Finding Truth

Each man regards his pet subject as most important, most fundamental, most widely applicable.

My own private alkahest is contemplative or mystical practice.

I encourage everyone who feels even slightly inclined to investigate this realm of experience to do so, and soon. I feel strongly that, if there is to be any genuine instauration at all, whether of an individual, of the West, or of human civilization as a whole, it must be grounded in mystical experience.

By “mystical experience” I mean, at the most basic level, management of the mind that leads to the diminution of delusion. One’s attention can be stabilised and focused, improving the functioning of one’s mind and causing one to become less bewitched by one’s senses, thoughts and feelings.

Basic attention stabilisation techniques are available in all the major religions, and nowadays there are plenty of nonreligious mental training systems for the more rationally inclined.

I look forward to the day when “Ment. Ed.” is as ordinary a part of education and daily life as “Phys. Ed.” is today.

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There are those who will want to go further. They may have discovered that, as a result of mental cultivation, the habitual functioning of their mind, and indeed their heart, can undergo dramatic and unanticipated alteration. They will have realised that this means that the mind is not stable, not absolute and therefore not to be trusted as a guide to truth. Yet they still want to know: what is true?

It has been said that there is no hunger without a corresponding food. Once the hunger for truth has been awakened, the nourishment that will satisfy it must be sought. This is almost impossible to do on one’s own. A guide or teacher must be sought. How to go about this? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Get into the habit of being honest with yourself, and ever more ruthlessly so, especially about your motivations.

2. Develop the faculty of self-observation. Not self-analysis, self-judgement, or self-regard: self-observation. As you move through the day, whenever you can, bring careful, neutral awareness to whatever it is you are doing, saying or thinking. Aim always to have “someone” on watch.

3. Learn the difference between opinion and fact.

4. Look on your home turf first. Don’t go running to foreign or exotic groups merely because you feel like doing so. Mine the resources of the faith of your fathers.

5. Investigate spiritual teachers thoroughly. Ask them genuine, hard questions – the ones that keep you up at night. Study their behavior minutely.

6. Don’t jump to conclusions, unless there is some severe moral deliquency going on.

7. When you commit to a teacher, do so wholeheartedly.

8. Be aware of social and emotional phenomena attendant upon joining a group and don’t be deceived by them: the pleasures of belonging, receiving high quality attention, acquiring status and so forth, are not spiritual things and should not be regarded as such.

These are only a few suggestions that might help. At the end of the day there is no set of rules that will guarantee that you will find someone who can help you. It may take a plunge into despair and a readiness to lose one’s life before you encounter a teacher. Or the right one might be just down the block. What is important is that if you really want to learn, you must begin searching. Life is short.

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A little bit about myself: I was raised nominally Catholic but my family wasn’t particularly religious. I began meditating in 2000 because I wanted to be able to concentrate better, and to see if I could not-think, which sounded very appealing. I read a few books on how to sit and began. I spent no time on doctrine – I wasn’t interested.

After about four months I had a powerful experience of compassion for the suffering of others. It really shook me up. I had no idea what was happening. Eventually it began to mellow and broaden into a heightened ability to relate to and help other people.

I knew I ought to look for some guidance about the experience, but I didn’t; five months later I moved house and in the process fell out of the habit of meditating. Three years passed during which I underwent a profound inner degeneration that featured things like attacks of pure inauthenticity and that left me planning my suicide in minute detail. I knew that I had to return to practice, and that I couldn’t do it on my own, so I moved into a small community of Buddhist contemplatives.

I lived there for three and a half years, did a lot of meditation under careful guidance, and got back on track. The improvement in my attitude can actually be traced on the Spengler fora – my postings there for the first few years are full of critical anger, very hostile things, but now they are much more constructive and pleasant. The pseudonym “Cioran” is no longer appropriate.

I must emphasise that I am not an authorised teacher of any sort, and I claim no level of enlightenment. I am just an amateur encouraging people to practice their religion seriously instead of playing with thoughts and feelings as is so easy to do. I only talk like this anonymously or to people who ask about it directly. If you met me socially I’d probably not bring the subject up at all.

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